Because You Keep Forgetting To Hit Snooze

Clocky Alarm Clock

Now available in a chrome finish, Clocky is the alarm clock that can jump down from up to 3 feet and run away and hide if one does not get out of bed on time. After one snooze cycle, Clocky will roll and move around the room with randomly patterned alarm beeps. Clocky's wheels can be disabled if the user wants a conventional alarm clock. Snooze function can be adjusted from zero to nine minutes. Requires four AAA batteries (not included). Made of chrome-plated ABS plastic and rubber.

Recommended for ages 8 and up.

Silver Item# 74856
$60.00
$54.00 Members

Because You're Going To Get Swine Flu

The best way to avoid swine flu is to wash your hands. We finally received a container of soap in the women's bathroom today (as a result of the "pandemic" that is still unknow). It was purchased from Jack's (the 99 cent story) by my boss and says nothing about being anti-bacterial and leaves a strong grease feeling on your hands. Since this is Armageddon, we need to cut back on evyerthing-this includes spending less on actual health necessities such as soap. I can't wait until I am in the hospital and United Healthcare refuses to cover swine flu.

You are also broke from slaughtering these harmless pigs...I am a big animal lover/vegetarian...soilent green is coming...

Because You Were Told To Be More Engaged At Work

Because Duane Reade & Your Doctor Are Conspiring Against You

There is nothing I love doing more than arguing with the pharmacists at Duane Reade and the receptionists at my psychiatrist's office. My doctor wrote three very important prescriptions for me on ANOTHER doctor's pad by mistake. Duane Reade didn't recognize the name, and noted that it is highly illegal to fill prescriptions written by a doctor on another doctor's pad. Can you see my rage building?!

After two hours of back and forth phone conversations where each party said they could not do anything until they heard from the other, I took the remaining pills I had and downed them. The outcome is still yet to be seen. Duane Reade said they would move ahead and fill it in an hour, but I find that highly doubtful as no one speaks English and they can't spell Nicole without an H.

Because Everyone Seems to be Mistaking Me For The Gates Foundation Today

Seriously, is everyone and their mother competing in some sort of marathon or bike race or soap box derby this spring? I keep getting hit up to sponsor this crap. Just today I've been squeezed for a leukemia marathon, a diabetes bike race and who the hell knows what else. At this point I think people are digging through my wallet in order to fight male pattern baldness and find a cure for swimmer's ear. I value both my friends and charity immensely and I am trying to be generous, but c'mon guys. Can't we try to spread this out a little? I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion that you're all just pocketing the money yourselves, which only increases my resentment over this whole issue because it means you were more clever than me in coming up with the scheme. So instead of pocketing my entire paycheck in small increments why not just bring me in on the fun. You've got the brains, I've got the looks...

Because You Are Not Nearly This Efficient

Because You Can Buy Anything On The Internet

More specifically, you can buy all of the ridiculous things you would have loved to buy as a child but were denied either because they weren't available commercially or because your parents (and even Santa) would never agree. Now you are an adult with a real job and psychological disorders that result in severe regression, so you can buy whatever the hell you want. This website sells cereal marshmallows in bulk without those annoying pieces of cereal. As an adult, one obviously does not have the time to pick through an entire box of lucky charms for the only edible parts, so this service could really come in handy for me. Now I just have to find somewhere to get the hot pink Power Wheels my dad so cruelly refused to buy for me. It may have taken me twenty years but, I am finally going to be the coolest kid on the block.