Because Your Dog Has a Vagina

There is nothing I love more in this world than my puppy. The gorgeous Lil Bubba has just turned six months old and it is time for her to get spayed. Naturally, as an upper east side mother, my dog will go through the procedure at a luxury hospital on Long Island with 24 hour care, the price of which will be close to one month's rent.

But I have to do this. The charismatic LB is a pure bred and the hottest shit at the dog park with her pink cashmere sweater (and she knows it). Five seconds into the dog park and the mutts were pouncing on her, trying to rape her from behind. Her mother does not want LB to have to deal with these mutants, because she already knows how bad it is.

After the heinous act is over, if they do call you again, they don't have jobs, don't bathe or they steal from your cookie jar. If LB was a man, I would have no problem allowing her to run around impregnating people. Perhaps I would get some kind of perverse pleasure out of spoiling the little princesses --especially those owned by men with ugly girlfriends.

Besides being broke from removing ovaries, costs are exponentially high for my drug/alcohol consumption this week leading up to the procedure and following her recovery. The thought of my diva in a cage with a cone on her neck is just too much to bear...the dive bars of downtown Manhattan have been warned, and I demand recession prices.