So did you hear? Top Shop opened here today. Yes! Here! In New York! There was a big party for the grand opening and everyone stood in a really huge line so that they could get there first and make all their friends super jealous.
It's a Thursday.
WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE AT WORK??? If you don't actually have jobs then why the hell are you shopping? Didn't Visa reduce your credit limit to like twenty bucks same as they did to everyone else in America, or is daddy still paying the bill? Ohhhh, I see. You're all waiting in line to see Kate Moss. Now it all makes sense. Who wouldn't want to stand on pavement for hours to catch a small glimpse of the deity that compelled them to worship at the altar of their toilet bowl after every single meal since they were thirteen? C'mon, this is almost as ridiculous as that riot that happened when everyone thought somebody was trying to blow up Tyra at the Next Top
Model auditions. Girl in the purple! DO NOT even think about making any bomb threats. I can see the evil under your eerily orange skin. Keep it together; it's not like she's Bono or something...Did you know that 25% of young women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize? That is one fact on this blog that I did not, in fact, make up off the top of my head. One quarter of us!! Something is seriously fucking wrong here! Ladies, put down the overpriced cotton-poly that's just going to get those little pill things on it after two washes anyway and pick up a book or the latest issue of The Economist and lets get to work on cleansing the shame of all this and possibly not dragging the country further into consumer debt crisis or whatever the hell is going on out there (What? You didn't think I ACTUALLY read The Economist?). I'm especially talking to you in the purple. It looks like you could use a few days out of the sun and under the pale fluorescent lights of the local, hobo filled library. Do it for Hillary. Do it for Rhianna. Do it for me!
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